Community Letter From MIYFS and MISD Leaders on Trauma Response

Dear Mercer Island Community, 

This school year has seen many remarkable academic and extra-curricular student achievements, accentuating our values rooted in supporting the whole child. Yet there have also been some devastating losses and disclosures of harm among the student body.

In a small, tight-knit community like Mercer Island, these events ripple through our collective consciousness in powerful ways. As professionals with a combined 38 years working to support the learning and development of Mercer Island’s youth, we understand the importance of approaching these events mindfully. This includes modelling a response for the young people and families we serve in a way that respects the unique psychology and developmental needs of every individual.

At its core, trauma happens when our natural flight, fight, freeze, fawn responses are overwhelmed and the energy from the event becomes trapped inside us. Because of the wonderful diversity in our community (age, identity, experience, race, etc.) we each have a different approach and capacity for dealing with traumatic news. Coping with it effectively is never “one size fits all.”

Trauma is often defined less by the external event and more by how we each internalize it. How we do so depends on many factors, such as our own trauma history, stage of emotional development, or cultural and family norms.

• Younger students might not have the emotional bandwidth to process feelings from the loss of a classmate or a parent, so simply recognizing that the loss occurred and showing them that adults are not afraid of it might be enough.
• Teens experiencing breaches of trust or a sudden loss in the school community might need a safe space to process their experience to help avoid wrongfully feeling responsible or to blame.
• Members of marginalized groups living in an environment where they experience daily micro-traumas will have their own unique needs about processing and prioritizing “big” events when they occur.

In our work in schools and community behavioral health, we recognize not only the kind of diversity we see around us, but also the internal diversity of experience that shapes how we each cope with trauma. As we work to collectively respond to difficult news, there are some core principles that honor these differences:

• Listen Without Fixing: listen, learn, and avoid unsolicited advice or platitudes
• Validate Diverse Feelings: reassure that there is no “right way” to grieve or process feelings. Feelings of anger, guilt, or numbness are just as appropriate as sadness.
• Model Healthy Grieving: it is okay for adults to share their sadness with children as it signals that strong feelings are okay.
• Avoid Forced Healing: sometimes strong feelings need time to be processed internally before sharing externally. Offer choices rather than requiring students to attend memorials or engage in grief work.

While Mercer Island youth continue to amaze us all with their many achievements, we recognize this has been a difficult year for many of them. The same can be said for the adults there providing support. MISD and MIYFS are committed to our Island youth and families. Contact your school counselor, YFS at (206) 275-7657, or a trusted adult if you, your child, or a friend could use extra support.

 In Partnership,

Derek Franklin, MIYFS Administrator

Fred Rundle, MISD Superintendent